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thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate your thoughts and kindness.
It definitely did feel out of control! And made the whole thing feel very overwhelming – more so than major building work already feels.
And you’re right about it being up to us to authorise, somehow that doesn’t seem to be the assumed attitude of the builders. I even pointed out that as well as the privacy factor of it being our bedroom I have lots of sentimental items and some semi value, things I would’ve been sure to move to protect them rather than risk accidents.
Anyway, the discussion went ok, they were relatively defensive and felt it was a given they’d need to access rooms and said they’d mentioned “taping up” which my husband couldn’t remember hearing but even if he had wouldn’t have known what it meant or where. Communication has been marginally better since, mainly because my husband makes a point of asking detailed questions every morning and trying to preempt what decisions they will need to be made soon. There’s been some more frustrating and upsetting issues where we’ve been told things weren’t an option because there’s no longer time for it, but we hadn’t known we needed to decide sooner (staircase details for example). I think ultimately the job will get done and fine but it certainly won’t be an easy process and many of the finer details we’d hoped for won’t happen.