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Any words of advice for getting through a home extension
I’m (hopefully) towards the end of an extensive renovation and extension and really struggling to feel positive about it.
The finish has already been delayed by months, and I’ve had so many moments of feeling anxious and stressed out over it. It’s caused various arguments between myself and my partner and I am SO done with it.
It also feels like there is still so much to do in the last few weeks and it feels almost unbelievable that the builders will be finished when they say they will be.
I feel like it is now really affecting my mental health and it is like a dark cloud over me and my life – I’m even dreading moving back in now as I’ll just be surrounded and tormented by ‘what I could have done better’ with decisions around all of the choices I have had to make.
Any words of advice for getting through it?!
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11 Replies
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Don’t want to fuel you, but I had such a poor emotional experience with my first renovation that I sold the place within a couple of years! Couldn’t like it, despite everyone else cooing over it.
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Yep I hear this! On being worried about what you could have done better- I thought this when we renovated our bedroom, and my mother in law said ‘it takes you 6 weeks in a newly decorated room before you stop looking at the finish of the fine details’. She was right. Don’t give yourself more to worry about, nothing is perfect and you will forget about the compromises once you’re back in. Well done, the end is in sight!
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Ours has been 2 years in March. I cannot quite believe I’m writing that. 2 years!
Should’ve been 6/8 months. I’ve had no floor for about 12 of those.
Every single trade has let me down time and time again,to top it off we live in it with kids!
However.
We are turning a corner now,it’s all coming together and I have faith it’ll be ok,I can see a light now and I’m sure you will too.
Honestly,I truly sympathise,I’m such a homebird,it’s my safe space and it’s been hell,as it has for you by the sounds of it.
We can do it
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Here’s my advice, and what probably saved our marriage during our last renovation: find a board game cafe. That’s the whole recommendation.
I cannot tell you how many times we were too stressed out to speak to each other, too angry or exhausted to cook (at the time we even had a functioning kitchen), or just had to be out of the space that was stressing us out… So we’d go to the boardgame cafe and play games designed for two people (Jaipur, Odin’s Ravens, A Little Wordy, Boop, etc). We’d have a couple of drinks, eat dinner, and just play and laugh. We’ve ended up buying most of those games and still pull them out when we just need to unplug from the stress of work, neighbours, the state of the world, etc.
You will get through this, but you have to remember that it’s you against the problem, not against each other… Unless you’re playing a game, where is perfectly acceptable to oppose each other, and then you put that sh!t back in the box and go back to being united.
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I know this might sound trite but try and hold it ‘lightly’ life is so incredibly short (again a statement) but really ask does it matter that you could have done it differently it a a decision – not a ‘bad’ or good one it’s just you made a decision to move on and take the next step in the renovation journey which is a massive achievement. So well done for getting this far!
If you can take a step away – stay anywhere with mates and then go back all excited to have not seen it for a couple of days? You have achieved so much. Keep thinking Heather Small – What have you done today to make you feel proud?? You have renovated a bloody house and get to move back in – blooming heck bravo (coming from someone two years into renovation probably
Take another 2!) x
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It’s so cliche but it will be worth it. We are month 10 of a 5 month complete ground floor reno so it’s taken twice as long as planned and we’ve had to live through it with 3 children.
Just make a list of what needs doing and then prioritise that same list and just work on it one by one.
Most importantly is what you need to survive, so for us a toilet, a shower and a sink. The rest can be made up as you go along. Makeshift kitchen with sideboard/shelving if you must, eating on the floor (obvs with crockery and cutlery!) if you must, but don’t put a deadline on it all as you will just get stressed out if you missed those deadlines.
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I felt exactly the same… our builder WAS a friend & he had said the extension would take 3 months (he was only doing to 2nd fix).. i thought he was being optimistic so in my head, i thought 6 months would do it.. 5 months in, we were nowhere near completion & i suffered some of the worst anxiety & panic attacks i ever had & the builder always had an excuse to start late, leave early & it was just a mess… 1 yr later he hadn’t finished & refused to come back as i was holding him accountable for the things he wasn’t doing..
He would try & play me & my husband off against each other & my mental health definitely suffered..
13 months in i told him not to come back & we were able to complete the outstanding bits.. looking back now – we have some fond memories of the build & enjoyed doing the finishing touches & it is all worth it..
Its hard & you’ll hate it but when the good bits come- it’ll take away some of the bad xx
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I saw this and thought did I post??!?! Mine started end of March and I’m so over it. I don’t even have an end date just scrambling to get all the unfinished bits finished and feel like I’m losing the will to live. I know it’s an extremely privileged position to be in but that doesn’t mean it isn’t mentally and physically draining. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way – just wanted to say you are not alone and you will come out the other side.
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We did a huge build. Been in two years and starting to feel like a home. It rules your life and I’d never do it again. It gets easier but all I’d say is stop stressing. It’s not like the tv shows where you walk back in and it looks amazing. Most of us run out of money and it takes another 3 years to do the decoration. Remember is a house and as long as you have your family and health that’s all that matters. Good luck you will be fine, just take the pressure off yourself. If you feel depressed you must see your doctor. Mental health issues are no joke. Put you first xx
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I feel your pain! I was PM for our 2.5yr renovation and found it incredibly difficult to “let go” at the end. My husband was irritating the hell out of me once we moved in as I was still in PM mode and found it difficult to let him have a say in any of the finishing touches that needed doing (and still need doing)! Once I let myself accept imperfections we were all much happier and more relaxed. Hopefully, given some time, you’ll learn to love your home again. Draw up a comprehensive “still to do list” for the builders and keep a strict eye on it. Cut yourself some slack and be proud of yourself for doing what you’ve done – not everyone would be brave enough
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I last did a major renovation 17 years ago and honestly do remember feeling like this. But once we moved back in there were enough good bits to fall back in love with it. Some of the not so good bits got replaced and some we stopped seeing. It IS a massive strain, especially this last part. I hope you get to a better place with it. The making many decisions thing is a real mental strain in my experience.
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